Messed Up

On the way driving back to my home, at around 1am I believe so, I turned off the music and asked God for more. And He sure did. I started to tear up and tell Him how much I love Him. And then the next thing I knew was that I had some trouble seeing the road because of the tears. Jesus I love Your presence. I actually passed home but I wanted more. So I drove for another two or three miles and just cry before the Lord like a baby would. I really can't thank Him enough because He's done way too many things for me even before I entered this world: how I was born and how I was weak, and tonight my left arm and leg were both feeling weird and aching unusually. Then I started to flex my left hand--first a fist, then release, and so on....for about fifteen minutes. My muscles were hurting but I couldn't really stop the hand from flexing. It was really frustrating for a while. I kept on asking God, "why am I doing this? please tell me why, Lord. It hurts."

Then He said to me,
"Your hands used to sin against me, but through my blood they are made clean. And I will use them for my glory."

Basically he's telling me Isaiah 61:
To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.
-Isaiah 61:3-

Many time I really do think how dirty my hands are and how I'm using the same hands that sinned to play notes, to worship Him. I mean the chains were broken a while ago, but I am still being haunted, in a way, by my former sins I guess. And tonight God freed me from another bondage of not to linger on the sins that are already washed away therefore to block me from going deeper with the Spirit.
Yeah so the Lord tenderized my heart even more and I asked Him to do that on a regular basis, hopefully every day. I love to cry before the Lord and get totally messed up by His overwhelming presence.

Johnny