what is this

love that keeps chasing after me and puts smile upon my face and pours water to my ever-longing soul that has been crying out?

i felt so much strength entered within since this morning when i spent a good thirty minutes with Him in front of a grand piano. an intimate tune came to me and I got to sing His song back to Him. it was a beautiful moment between heaven and earth.

somehow He lifted me high up upon a rock and make me look down at those things bothering me for the past week. He is too good to me. He is proud of me.

breakfast with potato, bell peppers, eggs, onions, mushrooms, and Bill Johnson. it was like a ten-star hotel complimentary breakfast. his message was speaking right to me at the right timing.

The thing I’m least likely to do in the natural is what I’ll most likely to do the supernatural. If I wait to rejoice until I have joy, I would only have it in seasons, but if I rejoice to have joy, I can have it all the time. - Bill Johnson

it's the same with resting for peace and strength. i need to learn how to be in a constant state of resting to have constant peace and renewing strength instead of resting because i am tired. man this is such a confirmation from Becca's prayer on monday's seismic. i feel like i'm getting it!

listened to Cory Asbury's song "Mercy" over and over again and to my thirsty soul was fed living water. my strength was being renewed. i felt it in my spirit throughout the day. after studying i got to spent time hanging out with a friend who asked me something that completely caught me off-guard:

'johnny, do you feel lonely?'

'...yes.' i answered from the bottom of my broken heart. looking down at my slice of mini veggie deluxe pizza topped with avocado. it was glorious by the way.

'i can never imagine you feeling lonely. you are Johnny! you are always so happy and joyful!' she was surprised. every time she sees me i am always upbeat and rejoicing.

i was surprised by her response. 'it is not i do not have friends around me, but sometimes this loneliness cannot be cured by being with someone. it's more than just the need of wanting another person to be next to you and lend you an ear or a shoulder to cry on. i can still have that loneliness when i'm in a crowd, or even when i'm being goofy and funny. i guess it's more of an emptiness. an emptiness that God and only God can fill."

i shared what my spirit has gone through for the past month and the struggle during the past couple days then i also shared my life story of how i came to know Jesus and how my faith has grown since. it is always refreshing to tell my story because once again i would remind myself of who He is and all the things He has done in my life. i love to share my Jesus stories.

afterwards we prayed that the fear of the Lord would fall upon us and we just soaked in the presence of the King of Glory for a good five minutes. that was one of the most amazing soaking moments i have ever experienced. Jesus was in the room laying His hand upon our heads as we were in awe of Him. speechless. Fierce as a Lion and tender as a Lamb. how complex. how beautiful. how indescribable. and it was afterwards that my burden was all gone! as i listened to the same song by Cory, God's joy filled me and my heart came alive and i just wanted to shout Hallelujah and give Him back what He has given me -- His joy!

i got home. and i danced for the first time in the longest time. i danced until i had to catch my breath. i gave Him my worship with all that i am, it was not merely jumping up and down and twirling around. it was dancing with nothing held back.

the joy of the Lord is my strength!

Johnny.