blind eyes open
-1 Corinthians 6:19~20-

Advent Conspiracy from Seeds of Hope on Vimeo.

Now I look back, I fight with this ugly thing called fear everyday.
It's not just any fear, but mostly it's the fear of rejection.
I see it everyday, and I have to knock it down. Not every time was successful because I gave in.

A liar tells a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive.
A hypocrite pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, that he does not actually possess. In short, a hypocrite pretends to be what he is not.

God, at many times, would surface that dirt for me to see.
Not a pretty scene. But He said it with utmost passion,
"Tell me why you're pretending to be someone you're not?"


He took me back to this February and I saw His fingerprints during this season of heart surgery. I see changes in the ways I interact with family, friends, other people, and Jesus. The heart I thought was completely opened up was mostly shut.

I can now talk to Jesus about anything, and the freedom I feel when I share with Him is something I have never felt before. This also stands true when I share with people now.

Jack's words were right on during leaders' meeting this past Sunday. When we have the Holy Spirit inside, we don't just have power and love, but also self-discipline. And ALL THREE are required when we decide to have the Spirit live within us. We can demonstrate the POWER of God, we can LOVE God and love others, but we also need to live out a DISCIPLINED lifestyle -- not only be rooted and grounded in His words but also LIVE THEM OUT.

Our hypocritical lifestyles cannot keep our fire burning, but rather distinguish it even faster because fear starts to attack us. Telling others (or even ourselves) we're full doesn't stop our hunger within. The best way to check our spiritual conditions is to look into our hearts and not how many times we say "Hallelujah". Lord I repent for all the times I abuse Your grace, and I thank You for showing Your abundant mercy. I want to live a life of power, love and self-discipline. Without these three, I cannot grow deeper and keep the fire burning! I need them.

I am thirsty. I am hungry.
I need the Word to consume me until it's like fire in my bones.

Johnny

I felt so tired yesterday.
Our Black Friday jewel 42inch beautiful LCD TV arrived and we all had a good time enjoying the beauty. However, the tiny whisper still draws me near, "Do you love me?"

I woke up today feeling extremely awful. Didn't know why but I started to have a headache as the day rolled on. Went to the chiropractor and found out that one of my muscles by my right shoulder blade was super tight, and he massaged it (or rather put me in some groaning because it was seriously hurting!). After the massage pad with heat, I went to school, with headache still.

My spirit told me that this is not me. Even though I have been falling these past couple days, but I know I'm also getting back up. And I know with all my heart that this is an attack, a chain that's waiting to be broken. But I was very weary.

There are no accidents.
I decided to study my Hip Hop history test at the music center. I almost sat down on the first floor but somehow I decided to go to the second floor because I could look out of the floor-to-ceiling glass windows instead of walls. After sitting down I heard from the classroom next to me someone playing some pop chord progressions on the piano. I was extremely tired and I had a headache. I closed my eyes and prayed, "Jesus. I need You." I felt my headache ceasing, and I started to study. I guess Kanye West's "Jesus Walks" kinda helped (hah...) but after a half an hour, when I was listening to some Hip Hop tracks, I heard As The Deer coming out from the classroom. I stopped what I was doing, and I knew that Jesus was there with me, and that was really enough for me because I felt strength and peace entered within me and tears started to form in my eyes. How deep is the Father's love for us! He will NEVER, EVER leave. He chases after us with full passion.

I decided not to worry about the test and went into a practice room and had an intimate time with the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit (and Steinway & Sons, of course). As I kept on singing "Holy Spirit Thou Art Welcome" and "Spirit of the Living God", my headache came back. Not only that, I started coughing. I knew that God was dealing with me and He's setting me free from all these junk that's been just blocking His way into me. So the song "Break Every Chain" came to me and I started playing and singing it and let Him break all the chains and set me free. That forty-minute encounter with the Father, Son, and Spirit was worth so much more than the many congregational worship times. He is stripping away the things I've been holding on to. It does not feel good during the process (just like my doctor massaging that one tight spot that hurt like being punched in the face), but afterwards I could be free and clean without pain.

I know who I am, and having no-reason headaches and shoulder blade pain (which actually caused the headache) was not me. I probably have built up the weariness and the stress which caused the muscles to be tense, but being down and under was not ME. I pray for every person who are stressed out and feeling the sky's falling down, that they would call upon the name of Jesus and be freed from pain, stress, and chains! It happened to me tonight, and I pray that you would not miss any chance to encounter the God who is LOVE.

Johnny