A Hypocrite?

For God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity,

but a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.

-2 Timothy 1:7-

Now I look back, I fight with this ugly thing called fear everyday.
It's not just any fear, but mostly it's the fear of rejection.
I see it everyday, and I have to knock it down. Not every time was successful because I gave in.

A liar tells a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive.
A hypocrite pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, that he does not actually possess. In short, a hypocrite pretends to be what he is not.

God, at many times, would surface that dirt for me to see.
Not a pretty scene. But He said it with utmost passion,
"Tell me why you're pretending to be someone you're not?"

He took me back to this February and I saw His fingerprints during this season of heart surgery. I see changes in the ways I interact with family, friends, other people, and Jesus. The heart I thought was completely opened up was mostly shut.

I can now talk to Jesus about anything, and the freedom I feel when I share with Him is something I have never felt before. This also stands true when I share with people now.

Jack's words were right on during leaders' meeting this past Sunday. When we have the Holy Spirit inside, we don't just have power and love, but also self-discipline. And ALL THREE are required when we decide to have the Spirit live within us. We can demonstrate the POWER of God, we can LOVE God and love others, but we also need to live out a DISCIPLINED lifestyle -- not only be rooted and grounded in His words but also LIVE THEM OUT.

Our hypocritical lifestyles cannot keep our fire burning, but rather distinguish it even faster because fear starts to attack us. Telling others (or even ourselves) we're full doesn't stop our hunger within. The best way to check our spiritual conditions is to look into our hearts and not how many times we say "Hallelujah". Lord I repent for all the times I abuse Your grace, and I thank You for showing Your abundant mercy. I want to live a life of power, love and self-discipline. Without these three, I cannot grow deeper and keep the fire burning! I need them.

I am thirsty. I am hungry.
I need the Word to consume me until it's like fire in my bones.

Johnny