I started working on this post the week after my 23rd birthday. There are too many things to mention, so I only typed out what I felt led to share. I have not written such long post for a long long time... but this post is definitely worth reading because God is really amazing. Here it goes:
Part 1: Childhood
A mother, 6 month into pregnancy with identical twins, was hospitalized because her water broke and the pain of her womb was too great for her to work. After being bed-ridden for one full month, the doctors decided that it was time to perform c-section, hoping to save the mother and the babies who were all in critical conditions. The mother's condition was stabilized, yet the two boys, each weighted around 1,000 grams, were delivered into incubators. With tubes all over their bodies, the little boys weren't looking too good.
A couple days later, the doctors had to transfer the babies to another hospital because they did not have the equipment keep them both alive and well. Unfortunately, the older of the two did not make it. The family was devastated. Fortunately, the other boy survived with one of his heart valves not functioning correctly; but somehow this problem disappeared.
During his childhood, the boy had been going to the doctor almost every month due to his low immune system and his symptoms of asthma. At age 5, he was even hospitalized for a week due to the seriousness of his asthma. He enjoyed playing with toy cars and video games (Gameboy), while his sisters went to America with his dad to study and left him and his mother by themselves, he would go hang out with his cousins and his grandparents.
Never a trouble kid, he only wanted to bring joy to his friends ever since he could remember. He was always the goofball and the clown of his class--introducing his classmates some cool, new music (such as "Mambo No. 5" back in 6th grade) he discovered at the record store, where he devoted most of his time (and money). He remembers lip syncing to Michael Jackson's music at the age of seven with his two sisters. He started learning piano alongside them, not knowing that this instrument will eventually become his favorite one.
Part 2: Truth Discovered
After he turned 18, three years after he accepted Jesus as his personal Savior, he realized that God had been with him ever since birth. Long story short, we found out that the death of his twin brother was caused by a nurse at the hospital instead of what my parents were told initially. How did we find out? Well, our piano teacher, around the time of my birth, heard one of her students sharing about a friend, an intern at he hospital I was born in, made an error that caused the death of a premature boy. My teacher has kept this to herself for a long 18 years, and she finally shared the truth with my family, and we went through a time of healing and forgiveness.
I was the one who survived, and after hearing what my piano teacher said, I knew that I was destined to live because the one who died could've been me instead of my brother. And from that year on, how I view my life has been totally changed because God saved me and kept me alive. I am eternally grateful and thankful for what He has done for me. And it wasn't until I started walking with Jesus that I was reminded on many occasions throughout my childhood God spoke to me and beckoned me to come to Him--my 3rd grade music teacher invited me to the music classroom during lunchtime, so I went there and found out that they were having a small Bible study time, and I still remembered that one day I went back home and asked my mom whether I could believe in Jesus. She told me that I could decide when I grew up. =)
God led me through a crazy season of resting and purging last March (2010). It was one of the most painful times of my life because I literally thought my mind was going to explode. The Lord had a plan, and he took me through what looked like a wilderness to deal with the hard issue--the heart issue. I came out of the season a new man: I became so much open and vulnerable to the people around me. I used to not knowing how to express myself, but after God peeling away the coverings, I became so undone and the walls I built to keep my real self from being seen, noticed or even judged came crumbling down. I was freed from my room of insecurity and fear; God took me out of that deep dark dungeon into the bright beautiful truth. It took me a couple months to adjust my eyes to see in the light because I was in the dark, but I was free.
A couple weeks ago, Sarah Wang shared with the leadership team what she has been experiencing during the season of rest from ministry and just simply seeking after the Lord, and after reading her testimony, my heart felt a conviction to respond, and here's what I replied on 4/18:
"Im still in that process of reflecting on what Sarah Allis Yang (SAY) shared on 4/10 because the message touched the core of my heart. A lot of times God would speak to my spirit when I unintentionally do or say something with an underlying agenda for my own benefit. He would also remind me a lot of times how He is my sufficiency so that I don't have to please people and win favor love and care but rather just walk in that path He destined for me to walk, right by His side. He revealed to me how it's because I have to constantly have friends with me and I cannot stand a moment without interacting with people. Throughout the years I've grown to come to realize what it really means to lay down my ambitions, goals(though not many yet), and serve others with what Gods given to me. And SAY's message really took a blow on that protective wall of mine and I realize that I shouldn't be afraid of change, afraid of unfamiliarity, and afraid of failure.
Though I'm definitely not a perfectionist, there are just so many things in my life that I choose to avoid because I simply told myself that I may fail. But what's interesting is that by being at Impact these years I've come to learn about falling down and getting back up in the spirit, and lately God's been so gracious to open up opportunities for me to work on many music projects. And the feeling of fear came back to me during this process because I was afraid that I'd fail and how others will see me if I do. But now I'm not afraid anymore.
Yesterday, a friend asked me what my dream is. It took me so long to think about what my ultimate dream is. I believe my biggest dream is to fulfill as many dreams of others as possible. After watching an episode of Undercover Boss, my heart was so stirred because this CEO of Baja Fresh, at the end of his undercover mission of working alongside with his employees, decided to give out huge amount of money which he earned to fulfill those employee's dreams. And that's who I aim to be--a successful man walking out Jesus' life and seeing what others needs and dreams are and give them the tools and enable and encourage them to walk down that path of unknown in pure excitement.
And nothing more efficient to become that person than by being a cell group leader. I know I still have a long way to go but I thank you all for being such encouragers and enablers in my life. Thank the Lord for all you beautiful people walking in purity, holiness, righteousness, and humility. I'm truly a blessed man!"
This year is going to be a year of many decisions and transitions--with my school coming to a close in September, I want to lay out a plan for my future, yet I also want to know more importantly what God has planed for me. So many opportunities regarding to music have been handed at my doorstep that I was so grateful for the Lord and those around me who have been encouraging me and wanted to see me work toward one of my dreams: to make music that brings love, joy, peace, hope, and healing. Frankly, I still don't know what to do as a job and I have not been thinking about it as much as I should be.
Moreover, I want to meet her--the most beautiful woman whom I will behold and be constantly in awe of how gorgeous and amazing she is. Lord, let me fall in love with her now, even though I do not even know where or who she is. Let my eyes be fixed upon You and let her eyes be fixed upon You also, and I truly believe that it is through You that we will see each other. I definitely hope to meet her as soon as possible, or according to Your perfect timing... hah.
I trust in You, my God, I trust in You.
Chapter 23 is going to be a sweet one.
Johnny
ps. I'm spending the next five weeks praying and hearing the Lord for directions and signs. Please keep me in your prayers that I am being rooted and grounded in the Truth and being delighted by God and enjoy His presence whenever and wherever. I believe the next month or so will be very interesting and powerful. Thank You Jesus that Your LOVE never fails. Thank You once again that You hold ALL THINGS TOGETHER and You make all things work together for the good of those who love you. I love You Lord, and I believe.
