blind eyes open
-1 Corinthians 6:19~20-

July 7 Morning - The morning session was so sweet. I had my good friend Eric Yun to play guitar and sing with me and also Jacob playing the djembe for the 3rd morning in a row. The presence of the Lord was so thick and so sweet that the speaker, Tony Kim, only spoke for probably 15 minutes, and the rest of the morning was all Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Many saw visions of heaven and Jesus showed them a glimpse of heaven. God once again reminded me the visions of the musical instruments in heaven, and He wanted me to keep dreaming with Him and bringing heaven's melody down to earth. It was so sweet. God was so sweet yet demanding because He is jealous for us. He's gotta have it all.


July 7 Evening - Throughout this week @ ReGen, I really really wanted to encounter God in a new way and to shake off all the junk and cloth myself with Jesus. Moreover, leading all these worship sets has really put me in a place of wanting more of His Spirit because I could not give out what I do not have. After the morning session, I took a good nap in preparation of tonight's time of worship and praise. I wanted to see Jesus. I wanted to be hungry for Him. I asked the Lord to expand my hunger for more and more of Him. I wanted a fresh touch from heaven.

As soon as the band started to play, tears flowed out from my eyes for the first time during this conference. I wanted more. I was not satisfied. I wanted Jesus. I desired more of His presence and His Spirit. During the worship time, God's presence fell like a huge and thick blanket covering the entire room, and I saw in a vision that I was running a race with my friends on a race track, and instead of competing with each other, we were supporting each other and cheering each other on to finish this good race of faith. I also saw myself riding a big wave on a surfboard.

After worship, I went up to Kenny to give him our CDs, and I also asked him to pray for me. He started to pray that I would receive songs from heaven and that the "best worship songs come from worship". And the Lord didn't stop there. He started to give Kenny words to speak over me. So Kenny started to tell me that God wanted to tell me that I am not alone, but I would feel lonely many times. I could not stop tearing up as he kept on telling me what God wanted me to hear. He started to speak identity into me, telling me that I am so worthy, I am so loved, and that it's not about me leading people and playing keys, but simply because I am a SON. I never knew that I still struggle with my true identity in Christ until God revealed it to me through Kenny. He also told me that I would be very critical of myself and I would beat myself down because throughout my life I received a lot of negativity from my family members, and I did not want to be a disappointment to those who love me. Kenny also told me to remember two things: 1) Submit under authority and 2) Obeying God's voice and that I shouldn't be afraid of those in authority, and also of obeying to God's voice.

Kenny sharing on Living in His Presence @ ReGen 2K11.

Kenny told me to write on the left side of a paper a list of lies that I believe and ask God to reveal the lies. And on the right hand side, the truth from God of who I truly am. I needed to ask God to reveal who I truly am and what He thinks about me. I thought the prayer time was almost over and I was ready to go home and write these all out, but it was far from it.

Kenny then started to tell me about my desire of wanting to find my wife. He told me that I shouldn't pursue her but rather I should pursue God and God alone, because as I draw closer to God and she draws closer to God, we will eventually meet each other IN JESUS. This was such a confirmation of the decision I made just the night before (as mentioned in Part 1) and my heart was rejoicing because God has a plan for me, and all I need to do is to follow him and pray for my wife to encounter more of Him.

And that was only the beginning of a breakthrough. Kenny started to tell me that I am loved, worthy, and accepted. And that I am NOT UNWORTHY. I started to cry out loud, with my head buried in his shoulder.

After a minute or two I started to cough. And as I was coughing, Kenny began to declare over me victory and that right now God's love is filling me up and pushing out of my body all the things that do not belong to Him, and that was the reason I started to cough. After a minute, the coughing turned into deep-burping that was much like my encounter during prayer time with Auntie Sharon; however, this time was even more intense because I actually puked out some type of liquid three times over the duration of deliverance. There are times when I hear voices to tell me to stop puking, but Kenny kept saying that God is not done with me yet and He wants to completely set me free. My mind knew that was and attack from the enemy, so I made a decision and proclaimed it within that I would not leave this room without being completely set free, and let God's will be done.

I felt so free and light afterwards. My mind was still in complete shock but I knew that my spirit man was set free. Kenny told me that what came out of me was all these loneliness, unworthiness, false humility, and SEVEN GENERATIONS of IDOL WORSHIP in my family. I am the only son of the oldest son (my dad) in the household, thus all the generation blessings and curses are now passed down upon me, and God was uprooting the curses caused by my ancestors worshipping idols. Not only that, He took all the fear and the spirits mentioned before away from me. I laid on the floor in fetal position for a good ten minutes, letting my body to recover and my spirit to abide in God.

Thoughts and Reflection:
Even though I was set free, now I am in a completely new season of letting my mindset to be transformed. I need to understand firmly who I TRULY AM in Christ and I need to break out of all the old mindsets that were built up when I was in bondage but are now surfaced after deliverance. The journey has just begun, and I am ready to step in and climb up to another level with the Lord. I need Jesus so much more now because every step I take I realize that I need to leave behind blessings to generations to come. The decisions I make will affect my future children and their children, and God took me through a burning fire to purge me from curses, sins, so that I could come out PURE and BLAMELESS. I don't know what He has in store for me, but I believe His plans for me are to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future.

That's pretty much it. The journey has just begun. As someone who leads worship, I see the importance to know exactly who I am in Christ and that I AM WORTHY, LOVED, and ACCEPTED no matter what I DO or DON'T DO. I still need to chew on it and swallow it and chew on it over and over again until it becomes a PART of ME.

I trust in You, my God, I trust in You.

johnny

Jeremiah 29:11 has been the theme of the past two months. God took me on an incredible journey of restoring and strengthen my confidence in my true identity in Christ.

May 18 - Papa Mark & Mama Debbie came down to San Diego for a 2-night stay. I met up with them over lunch and did a one-hour worship/prayer set with them @ the Boiler Room in downtown SD. The worship time was so so so tender and it's been a while since I teared up and let God take my heart and break it open. Every time when I spend time with Mark & Deb, I always receive so much from the Lord because just by simply being with them, what they obtain from God would just overflow unto the people around them.

May 20 - @ my apartment in San Diego. I received a text from Annie asking me to listen through the mix of the Love*Togo album, and somehow when I reached the last two tracks, I broke down crying like never before. For an hour I kept on replaying those two tracks and letting God work with my heart (the song is called "God is at Work" too. It is such a beautiful song!). I was a wreck but God was opening up my heart and let Him in.

May 21 - Went to receive prayer from Auntie Sharon. The moment she started praying, river of tears started to flow out from my eyes, and after more prayers asking the Holy Spirit to come and fill me up, I started to cough uncontrollably. Then the coughs turned to burps, and I could not stop from burping, and it became so severe that at times I thought I was going to puke something out. And during those times, Auntie Sharon spoke to all the bondages and the spirits that were chaining me down and cast them out one by one by one, and that was the reason why I was burping and coughing and wanting to puke things out; and the burps were spirits leaving my body because the LOVE of God cast out ALL fear, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is FREEDOM. 

For a good 30 minutes I was on the floor, being delivered from darkness as God's light exposed my heart from the inside out. I have never, ever been through a deliverance session before--I've seen people being delivered, but I never thought I would encounter such a strong pull between the Kingdom of God and the kingdom of darkness. I knew that God's going to win in the end, but the process of battle was not pretty nor was it comfortable. I felt like my body was this battlefield and God was tearing down the strong towers that the enemy had built within me. After that morning prayer session, I felt like a new person, cleansed and set free. And this encounter boosted my faith to a new level because I saw God's power and His hands at work within me, and that I needed to be filled by His Spirit constantly, day in and day out. But God wasn't done with me yet.

After a month and half.....

Kedrick Pinex - awesome!

July 6 - During ReGen night session, I felt the Lord telling me that he's going to do something special on the next day -- July 7. I quickly forgot about it, but I was very much looking forward to the worship night with Kenny. I was really exhausted from all these days of leading worship, but I didn't want my physical body to be blocking my spirit man to encounter God. This day was especially cool because Kedrick spoke words of knowledge from the Lord things that are just so beautiful and incredible into my sister Annie and brother-in-law Jack, and my soon-to-arrive niece Annya's lives.

Before I went to bed, I made a decision that I was going to completely give Jesus my full attention. For the past three months or so I have been wanting to have a relationship with someone, and we have been in contact, but I knew that God wanted me to stop because she has become a distraction for me to completely have my love for Jesus, and vice versa. Annie said to me a week ago that if I really care about someone, then what I should desire is to see this girl to have more of Jesus in her life more than my wanting to be with her. So I decided to really cut down our communications and set a rule because I knew that's what God wants, no matter how hard it was going to be for us.

I knew one thing -- I simply cannot afford to lose my relationship with Jesus, and if anything stands in the way, it has to leave. And once I realized that, the seemingly difficult decision was easy to make.

Check out The Way to Freedom - Part 2...


Johnny

Love is blind, some says. But I propose that love is not blind. When you really care about that person, you would do ANYTHING for that person, even unto death. And right now, I simply need to come before the Lord and say: "Here I am, I would do anything for You, even unto death." I believe the brothers and sisters in China prayed this dangerous prayer which was answered time and time again. I wonder whether I have the faith to do the same thing. And now I need to do solely is to love the Lord my God with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and all my strength and love His people.

I was praying to the Lord and a message from Bill Johnson came to me: when God is First, there is no Second. when God is the best, there is no second best. I believe this is the prayer and my yearning for this season. Let God be the best.

Watched more of Kim Walker's sharing on worship leading and song choices. Each one really put what I feel to words, and once again worship in its simplest form is to connect with God with a heart ready to love Him and receive love from Him. O how I want to get into that posture day in and day out, from the rising of the sun to the setting of the moon!

Today, I was supposed to teach some piano, but it ended being a prayer and deliverance session with the Holy Spirit where this person, having headaches because of depression, having depression because of rejection and heartaches from a relationship, encountered the God that is above all depression, all issues, all problems. After coming before the Lord and confessed sins and forgive whatever that's needed to be forgiven, whether it's others or self, the headache was lifted off, and energy came back bit by bit as I played on the keys with soaking music and hymns. O I just love the presence of the King because we bow down in all humility before Him and surrender our rights and life to Him and Him alone! Man that just gets me all pumped down (as in to bow even lower)! We closed with one of my favorite songs: Bring Restoration. I believe this song is the prayers of many during this week. We will sing this on Sunday!

While men fail us, God never fails and His promises are always true, and His love never-ends.

johnny

This test is very essential because it tests the heart of a leader toward those he mentors and trains. This chapter examines whether his heart is selfish (cares more about himself) or selfless (cares about developing and empowering others).

2. Describe the commonalities all teams must have. Do you have these functioning on your team? If not, how can they begin to be built?

The four commonalities for a team to function well together are VISION, VALUES, PROCEDURE, and HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. I'll use my church Impact as an example: The core team members have common visions (encounter, disciple, send) - we know where we're going. We also have these values that we are willing to die for (the six qualities: influence, maturity, passion, anointing, covenant, truth). We also have some kind of procedure as in who is in charge of what (cell leaders, prophetic ministry, media, administration, worship...etc). Last but not least, we all have healthy, loving relationships like family members would.

These four qualities are meant to be built and grown, they do not appear over night. Thus, I am aiming to start building these commonalities in my cell group with Alice, whom I partnered with as co-leaders of this group. We only have 2 people in this team, but that's okay, because our job is to dig out the hidden treasures of each cell members and develop them and empower them (we'll touch on that in the next chapter), thus invite them into our team. We both have good relationships, and we hold the same vision and values as the church, but what we need to work on is the procedure - how to first build up people then train up leaders.

3. As a leader, how do you find ways for your team to win?

Well, the team that I lead has no goal of "winning" but rather "having breakthroughs". I do not think I can answer this question well because I do not have much experience of leading a team into breakthrough. But I believe that I need to acknowledge my teammates and value them and make them feel secured in the team environment; moreover, "they must all realize they have a job to do, and no one can do their job other than they." As a person who leads worship with a team, I have faced "The Calling Test" and "The Humility Test", and of course the Teamwork Test. And all I have to say is that I have learned how to follow the Spirit while I lead, and I have learned to appreciate every single musician on the team because each one of them has something unique to offer to the team. Cooperate breakthrough definitely requires unity and teamwork.

4. How does interdependence work on your team?

Larry writes, "The key is interdependence. We need each other... Organizational researchers reserved the term team for groups that have high interdependence--each task that you do is dependent on what the other team members are doing at that same time... When we understand others' strengths and weaknesses, we can build as a team, capitalizing on strengths and providing support where others are weak."

I have been learning how to be interdependence instead being independence for the past six months or so partnering up with Alice. I think we are compatible when we work together because in the areas where I'm weak, Alice is stronger than I, and definitely there are some areas to which we both are not very competent (thus we need to train up or partner up with people who can fill in that gap!).

5. How do you communicate and problem solve on your team? Do you give respect to others? Do you demand it for yourself?

Unfortunately, I'm a person who can be arrogant sometimes. And throughout the past five or six years of coming to know Christ, I see how God has dealt with my problem through communicating and solving problems with a team. I used to think that I'm always right and everything had to go "my way", but in fact many things really did not turn out the way I wanted it to turn out. No one likes that feeling of "unmet expectation", but thank God that I can always lean on Him and still praise Him! Now I probably would have a higher score when it comes to this Teamwork Respect issue after all these testing from the Lord. I thank Him that now I would listen more and talk less, and I would give respect to others when they talk and really listen to what they have to say. O I'm still learning... =)

6. What happens within you when a team member gives direct criticism or seems to resist the direction of the team?

Like I said, I probably would have some disappointment and/or anger within when a member criticizes me or my action or even resists the direction of the team, but I know that I should receive advice with humility, and not quick to judge (grr...it is a test indeed!). I'll most likely to sit down with that member and fight... i mean talk it through! "Good communication and respect for each other through committed relationships will result in successful teamwork."

 All quotes from 21 Tests of Effective Leadership by Larry Kreider

stay tuned for Chapter 4 - The Release Test!

johnny

I've been reading Larry Kreider's 21 Tests of Effective Leadership and answering questions at the end of each chapter.
 
Before I plunge myself into answering these humbling questions, almost EVERY word from this chapter spoke to my heart with conviction. The test of humility is so real, and it's always waiting to bust in and make a mess of me when it see a door ajar. Very well then, let me start digging out those junk and leave them to the Lord! Oh isn't He great?
 
1. How do you sometimes try to make yourself look good as a leader?
Oh no… no… of course I NEVER, EVER try to make myself look good. I'm born good-looking!… haha. *Sigh…* Many times I would be the "holy holy" leader who says, "Mayeth the-eth Lordeth Godeth Almightieth blesseth thee!" and acts all righteous in order to make myself look very polished and blameless. After all, aren't we all called to be blameless and holy? But as a matter of fact, I acted that way was to have people "adore" me and "compliment" me; I was falling for the humility test. I can probably recall times when I would unintentionally/intentionally cast stone upon others to cover this ugly monster and make him look so beautiful, holy, and righteous…
 
2. Do you understand your deficiencies as well as your capabilities? How is this humbling?
Deficiencies first: I'm not so great at thoroughly putting my thoughts into words and communicate with others with it (the words). I'm not so great at finishing doing what I've started.
Capabilities: I'm capable of facing changes and adopting cultures and environments. I'm also capable of starting new projects (though not that capable of sustaining it).
It is very humbling to know that I AM, in fact, NOT GOD. =) and I'm for real. When pride is built, our spiritual eyes start to fail.
Larry writes, "Pride gives a leader an exaggerated sense of his own importance." Knowing my deficiencies and capabilities humbles me and makes me appreciate those who have what I seem to lack, and thus build a team with them (that would be the next chapter).
 
3. In a society that encourages competition and individuality, how can you be humble?
I'm actually not a competitive person, and that often leads to losing. Hence the perfect opportunity to be humble: to lose after a long winning streak in Call of Duty, to crack my voice/play something completely off-key on the keyboard while leading worship. There are certainly many many more incidents in my life that have humbled me, especially regarding to worship leading. It has been a humbling experience definitely!
 
4. How can false pride resemble humility?
False pride is to act humbly with a selfish heart.
Humility is to act humbly with a selfless heart.
 
5. How can the accountability of friends and relationships around you help with the test of humility?
Those who are the closest to me can really help me out when the test of humility is pounding on my door. They can guide me and point me in the right direction; sometimes their words can hurt, but that's all the selfish prideful mind's fault! If I know that they love me and want the best for me, then I should humbly accept their advice!
 
6. Describe ways to keep your perspective and maintain humility when you experience success as a leader.
The more successful we get, the lower we should go. Because when we humble ourselves, God exalts us; and when we exalt ourselves, God would humble us. After all, it's God who puts us in the leadership positions, he can bring us down anytime - thus our success lies in our faithfulness toward God and our meekness before God. As Laura Hackett, a worship leader from IHOP-KC, sings, "I bow down, I get low, I open up my heart to receive Your love… Your river it rushes to the lowest place…"
 
I probably surprised myself several times with my answer while responding to these convicting questions that requires me to break myself open and be true to myself. The responding of these questions has been one humbling experience!