Spiritual Walk?

I mean, so many crazy things happened since my arrival at UCSD, and definitely the more I pray for this school the more I feel connected with it and the more I feel that God has called me here for a crazily great purpose. Frankly, I still am not quite sure what that huge thing is, but I know that He's called me to pray for revival and unity. I mean I'm lucky and blessed to have known so many people who have the same desire and urge to pray!

I don't know, but this quarter I've got something every night:
Monday - Bible Study(on & off...hang out w/ Jeff)
Tuesday - Snake head & YOPP
Wednesday - IV Large Group
Thursday - 24/7 Prayer meeting
Friday - Home
Saturday - Resting
Sudnay - Impact


Am I doing so many things that I forget to Love? I don't know. I want to do well in both classes and the walk with Christ. I've been walking in circles, I guess, and it's time to find a path that only goes forward. It's been a fruitful journey so far and I feel like right now trials are coming my way. I don't know what's coming but I can sense that something's coming. I hope it's Jesus who's coming. I mean He is of course.

Jesus simply told Peter to get off that freakin boat and step into the deep water. I feel like I'm on the edge of the boat, thinking where my next step should be: the wood or the water. God tonight I was crying out to You, did You hear me? Please do not forsaken me, my Lover!

Peter also put his net out, ordered my Jesus, into the deep water. His mind told him one thing, yet he obeyed the master's command. Where You go I go. God I know that in order to have a breakthrough I need to take a leap by faith and dive into the deep unknown.

Filled up the tank and drove Jack's car home from church.
After I pulled in,
I suddenly had this urge to lock myself in the car.
So I did. And the 20 minutes of silence was one of the best things in my life. God asked me, "when was the last time you've simply come before me and think about nothing at all?" I couldn't remember. I felt that God was telling me that He is in control and he can use just a spark to start a huge fire. Out of nowhere tears were blocking my sight and wetting my collar. I really did not know why. I don't usually tear up during worship and I really do want to have tears not because I want to be more emotional(as if I'm not expressing my emotion enough) but because I actually "miss" crying before the Lord. Tears of sorrow and tears of joy. I'm not a constant weeper, yet I know that my heart cries even though my eyes are still dry. However I want to express my feelings through tears also. I'm desperate for You.

I need to start winning friends and souls for the sake of Christ. Lord I still expect You to show up everyday and provide a person for whom I can pray! I don't want to go to prayer meetings for sake of going. I want to go and pray and then go and share Your Word to the lost! My heart is crying out for more! I want to keep on let go of myself and let God take control and lead me into Your righteousness and Your kingdom. Please keep on pouring Your oil upon me and teach me how to lead worship through people, words, and, of course the most important, Your Holy Spirit.

Thank You Lord. I love You.
Life is really meaningless without You.
God please catch me when I fall like You did with Peter.
I want to be reminded how great You are constantly.
Wholly I am Yours.

Johnny

ps. I asked Momo's brother andrew how he liked Pastor Kong's message, and his answer to me was, "He's a super good man. Supreme good man." My heart was filled with joy to hear that. I bet God would say that too. Yet I totally did not expect Andrew to say anything close to this! Jesus I praise Your name!

Lord I don't know what's over there, but I want to be drowned in the Ezekiel's river more than ever right now. A leap of faith is all I need to have more of You and to see more of Your glorious and mysterious plan for me.

The long awaited rains
Have fallen hard upon the thirsty ground
And carved their way to where
The wild and rushing river can be found
And like the rains
I have been carried here to where the river flows, yeah
My heart is racing and my knee are weak
As I walk to the edge
I know there is no turning back
Once my feet have left the ledge
And in the rush I hear a voice
That’s telling me it’s time
to take the leap of faith
So here I go

I’m diving in, I’m going deep
In over my head, I want to be
Caught in the rush, lost in the flow,
In over my head, I want to go
The river’s deep, the river’s wide,
the river’s water is alive
So sink or swim, I’m diving in

There is a supernatural power
In this might river’s flow
It can bring the dead to life
And it can fill an empty soul
And give a heart the only thing
Worth living and worth dying for, yeah
But we will never know the awesome power
Of the Grace of God
Until we let ourselves get swept away
Into this holy flood
So if you’ll take my hand
We’ll close our eyes and count to three
And take the leap of faith
Come on let’s go
- Dive by Steven Curtis Chapman

This is my ringtone. And somehow reading the lyric right now speaks more than listening to the music. Read the words before you click play.